I have applied to around thirty different jobs. I've been to six interviews. And they've all rejected me. Now it wouldn't matter so much if they were important jobs where you actually have to possess a brain cell. No, these jobs have been shop work, temporary Christmas posts. I thought I'd be welcomed with open arms, finally someone with A levels! I was wrong. Thanks to the constant bombardment of propaganda from my Mum which sounded mainly like, 'Good grades are all that's important (and by good she means all A*s, even for A levels)' I've got it embedded in me that being clever somehow makes you better than other people. Bollocks. And since not getting all A*s or even all A*s since GCSE I've felt like a complete failure! And now it turns out I've been neglecting the skills that are really important in life, connecting with people. Making friends and culturing relationships. All because my Mum told me it wasn't important, that I had to stop socialising, that I couldn't stay over at people's house in my A level year, despite all of my friends doing so. I gave up so much last year, all my sport, all my music, and for what? Standard grades for a standard place at university (Sheffield to study English Literature). And I know what you're thinking, that I should be proud of myself, that compared to other people I did really well and I'm so lucky...but I'm still disappointed. I should have been at Durham, pushing on Oxbridge (apparently). She's just got to realise that I'm not that clever, and there are more important things in life than grades. I just can't wait to get to university. Now I've just got to figure out what to do with this year, jobless and hopeless.
A x
ps. Sorry for the depressing tone, I've been ill this week, too much time to think!
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